Letting Go


“There is a path to freedom. But you need to do the travelling.”

I read this sentence in a book the other day and it spoke to me because since I started my Ayurvedic Practitioner Training a world has opened up to me.

I thought I knew quite a lot about Ayurveda, and it turns out – I hardly knew a thing. The Science of Life is so vast, that in my lifetime I will never catch up. I’ve spent the last few months feeling quite overwhelmed about how much I have to read and learn and do – and I’ve just started! I was never the best student in terms of discipline (and that’s an understatement) I love learning, I crave it, but I hate the bit where you have to do tests and exams to prove what you know. It’s sobering to discover I’m the same now as I was at 15; I start a project and do not finish it (a Vata trait) I take things in and forget them immediately (a Kapha trait) and I procrastinate (a Kapha trait) then at the last-minute I stay up all night writing my essays terrified I’ll fail. I’ll be a nervous wreck and then get great grades. Nothing has changed!

Well when I say nothing, my age has of course. So the staying up all night doesn’t quite work anymore 😬 therefore … I need a new strategy.

Which brings me on to the subject of this post and what I have discovered about Ayurveda.

Learning about Ayurveda is a paradigm shift. It requires you to put aside all the information you’ve internalised about nutrition, about life, about what is the right thing to do for your health. It’s about observing and listening to your body and not your mind and witnessing your experience.

As one of my teachers said, we have collectively outsourced our health to the media, advertising industry, food industry and ultimately the medical and pharmaceutical industry.  Ayurveda teaches you that actually, YOU are responsible for your health. YOU have been given the knowledge you need to improve your health and to sustain it and prevent dis-ease. But YOU have to Do It. What you do every day is what you will bring about later. The amazing thing is this wisdom, these tools, are ancient, more than 5000 years old, and yet, when you know more about them and more importantly, experience what changes they can bring to your health, it can cause discomfort.

Because changing patterns relating to food and lifestyle can make you uncomfortable. After all, we’ve been programmed. We’ve been told what is ‘good’ and what is ‘bad’. We now live in a world of superfoods and raw veganism where we are bombarded with Instagram images of raw vegans but hardly anyone tells you being a raw vegan messed their digestion up. We have over complicated food and made it into a religion, whilst falling for every new food trend.

Instead, Ayurveda teaches you to maintain the connection between how you feel and what you eat, and what you eat and how you feel. It says ‘this is better’ and to me it makes sense – it’s not dogmatic. It says for example some people would benefit from eating meat occasionally. There is no calorie counting or leaving out entire food groups. No doing Power yoga when your mind feels all over the place anyway. It teaches you to be still and observe time, your physical body, your mental body and your way of living.

As I have incorporated more of the tools into my life, I am losing weight effortlessly and slowly. I feel energised most of the time and my digestion is strong when I cook and eat well and at the right time. I know there is a lot of room for improvement but now I also know better why I feel a certain way and what I did or did not do, to make myself feel like that. I hope to post more regularly as it is also a great way for me to digest (pun intended) all the new information I’m learning.

Ayurveda points you in the right direction but you have to walk the path. There are signposts all along the way to help you to reach the last sign in good health. You know, the sign that reads The End.

Letting Go of…. Negative Self-Talk

It’s September!

I love September. It’s the month I was born in, and since I’ve lived in the Northern Hemisphere, it signals the meteorological start of my favourite season. I love the subtle change in the light and how the tree outside my window slowly starts to change the colour of it’s leaves. I love the slight chill in the air and my mind turns to cozying the home and making it ‘winter ready’.

September always signifies a new start. For so many years it meant the start of school, then college, then university. September is the month I usually go on holiday. However, this September I turn 50 and this September I will be made redundant. Both these things I am not sad about. The first I am amused by, the second relieved.

So this year, September is a new start in new ways. One new way is the subject matter of this post and it is that I am going to practice letting go of negative self talk. Like your mind possibly, probably, when left to its own devices, my mind constantly reminds me that I am too old too fat too short, not smart enough not quick enough not brave enough not kind enough not. enough. Just Not. Enough. These thoughts have held me back. They have made me worry about what other people think rather than what I want to get out of life. As I complete another orbit around the sun I have to think about how I want the next years to be. More of the same? Or different?

This September I’m going to be aware of the usual phrases my mind tells me. Like how it is now going crazy about the fact I signed up for a running course for beginners starting Thursday. My mind is telling me ‘YOU MUST BE CRAZY!!! YOU? Running? 🤣 The last time you ran was in 2011 remember? You’ll be the fattest and the slowest there… You are going to go out in public in leggings?! People will faint when they see your thighs.’

But as well as recognising the thoughts happening, I’m trying to remember ‘I want to feel good.’ I want to lose weight and be healthy again. I feel very vulnerable but I can do this. It’ll be tough mentally but I can do this. And each time my mind starts again with the ‘I can’t, I won’t, I’m too …, I say ‘I see what you’re doing, but this time I choose me’ not the negative self-talk.

Given the cards I was dealt, the past 50 years have not been a failure 😊 but I do think about what dreams I might have achieved and experiences I might have had, if I had not paid as much attention to the negative self-talk in my head!

I for one am going to enjoy the heck out of September 2017 and try and give myself some new stories. ~CM4d610cb7c6ace51d1d08dec5ba40cdcb--seeds-spiritual-inspiration

24 February 2017 – Day 3 of 3 Preparation phase – The Hot Belly Diet

DAY 3 breakfast: superfood smoothie

This smoothie is very light, maybe I’m not using the right protein powder as I’m just using what I have at home. Not filling at all because I forgot to add the berries as well. 

DAY 3 lunch: afternoon khichadi one fruit as dessert

DAY 3 dinner: I had dinner out at an Italian restaurant.

Plus I had one small chocolate. I was actually quite hungry because the breakfast was nothing. After some research I found out what I was using is not a protein powder so that explains it.

RECIPE: Surya Spa Dal

I got this recipe via Goop.  It is from an Ayurvedic Spa and is made for detox. This is so easy, and filling and perfect for when you want something nourishing and light. I make it often. It’s great for Kapha dosha (but because coconut is quite heavy and difficult to digest, people with Kapha constitutions should use it sparingly.) – CM

  • 1 tablespoon coconut oil
  • ¼ teaspoon cumin seeds
  • ¼ teaspoon fennel seeds
  • ¼ teaspoon ground turmeric
  • ¼ teaspoon ground coriander
  • 2 tablespoons chopped cilantro
  • 1 cup organic yellow split mung bean dal or organic yellow split lentils
  • 3 cups water
  • ¼ teaspoon salt

1. Heat coconut oil in a large saucepan or dutch oven over medium heat. Add spices and cook for one minute, or until fragrant. Add cilantro, sauté another 30 seconds, then add lentils, water, and the ¼ teaspoon of salt.

2. Bring the mixture up to a boil, boil for five minutes, then turn heat to very low and cover with the lid, leaving it slightly ajar.

3. Simmer over very low heat for 20 minutes, or until lentils are tender. Season to taste with salt if desired.

Originally featured in The 2016 goop Detox

23 February 2017 – Day 2 of 3 Preparation phase – The Hot Belly Diet

This is the menu for Day 2 of the prep phase, I skipped a day as I didn’t have all the stuff I needed yesterday. In bold my selection. -CM

DAY 2 breakfast: 240 ml of low-fat yoghurt (I used Greek Yoghurt) sprinkled with roasted walnuts, fresh berries, strawberries, raspberries, or other berries and a little bit of honey if so desired

DAY 2 lunch: 115 g poached salmon with salad and an olive oil vinaigrette dressing and one piece of fruit as dessert

I had a double portion of salmon and no salad as there is a storm out and I wasn’t going to go out to get salad! Forgot to eat the fruit. 

DAY 2 dinner: one bowl of soup such as lentil soup, broccoli soup or tomato soup. I also had one lebanese flatbread with the soup as I was a little peckish.

I made one of my favourite dal soups which is simple and delicious and filling. 

I worked from home so I was able to prepare breakfast and lunch for tomorrow already, and I drank the tea all day. I had a good bm today and I feel lighter than yesterday. I am a little bit hungry now (21:11) but it’s because I only had a very small bowl of dal this evening.

Also had a kitkat and I blame PMS


21 February 2017 – Day 1 of 3 Preparation phase – The Hot Belly Diet

Last month I started this Hot Belly Diet plan. Unfortunately, I also managed to get a neck hernia which left me unable to use my neck and the right arm (i.e. For food preparation) for about two weeks. It’s much better now but not 100%. So…. here I go again, I am starting again today and will keep on the programme for the next 30 days

This is the menu for Day 1 of the prep phase. In bold what I chose to eat. -CM

DAY 1 breakfast: scrambled eggs with two eggs and any two cleaning vegetables such as: cauliflower, other cabbage varieties, broccoli, Brussel sprouts, carrots, onions, mushrooms, celery, pak choi, garlic, green beans, green peas, okra, spring onions, kale, fennel, radish or watercress OR a bowl of roasted oat flakes with linseed with a handful of walnuts and 60g fresh berries.

I bought roasted oat flakes for the first time in my life and I must say I like them a lot and they’re so cheap! As this is made with water it’s nice to have a bit of flavour. I don’t like berries, but I did add them and the walnuts were lovely which is funny as I don’t usually like nuts in my food. I could not taste the linseed at all. 

DAY 1 lunch: 85 to 115 g grilled tofu  with various steamed vegetables such as cauliflower, cabbage varieties, broccoli, Brussel sprouts, carrots, onions, mushrooms, celery, pak choi, garlic, green beans, green peas, okra, spring onions, kale, fennel, radish or watercress with 120 grams of rice and a piece of fruit as dessert. Choose from the following (low sugar) fruits: apples, berries, strawberries, raspberries, mulberries, grapefruit, oranges, clementines, peaches, nectarines, prunes, kiwis and grapes.

I marinated tofu on Sunday night and cooked it in the oven on Monday night. The steamed veggies and rice were bland but ok. I had an apple as dessert. 

DAY 1 dinner: a green salad with 85 g of chicken, turkey, tofu or tempeh

I ate the rest of the tofu from lunch with the green salad. A nice clean dinner. 

The author says to drink the tea between 8AM and 4PM but I started at 11AM and did finish by 4PM as last time the green tea kept me awake all night 😵


I have a new love: Yin Yoga

On Monday 24 October 2016,  I took my first Yin Yoga class. I had joined a yoga school close to my house (4 minutes walk) and I was trying all the different styles on offer. The class description was Yin Yoga combines aspects of Hatha Yoga, the concept of the meridians in Chinese medicine, Taoist philosophy and Buddhist meditation techniques. Yin Yoga has a positive effect on your organs, immune system, muscles and joints. It was the bit about Buddhist meditation and the muscles and joints which intrigued me seeing as I’m creaking and cracking into middle age now.

During that first class my mind chatter went something like this: ‘ok, we need a lot of props’ and ‘wow the teacher talks a LOT’ (although she had a lovely soothing voice) and ‘oh boy this hurts’ and ‘ouch, oh my God, my muscles are tearing!’ and ‘what the heck is happening to my lumbar area?!’ and so on and so forth. I had done Hatha Restorative but had not really felt this level of discomfort in my body because in Yin Yoga, the positions are held for 3-5 minutes. Sounds relaxing right? Sit or lie on a yoga mat and hold a pose for 3-5 minutes?

Now I must say that as a Kapha person I LOVED that all the poses were done seated or supine on the mat, so no Surya Namaskar (which I still feel resistance to). It’s a passive practice although it turns out passive is not quite how it feels. Turns out the teacher talks you through the poses and all the while brings the focus back to your breath. Physically, you’re stretching stretching, stretching, your fascia and connective tissue around your joints (knees, spine, sacrum, pelvis) and mentally you are focussing on your breath. Then you realise, each breath can take you deeper into the pain, and it’s not actually pain, its discomfort and it’s not killing you. It actually feels like what your body has needed for YEARS. Each breath you are able to go deeper physically and somehow mentally too. Hang on you say to yourself… I’m actually meditating and doing yoga at the same time and I feel great!

The more dynamic forms of yoga I do are the Yang styles, Vinyasa and Astanga. Yin is very complementary to those styles and as I mentioned, is all about stretching the connective tissues, ligaments, bones and joints. Who knew that just sitting and extending your legs in front of you and walking your hands forward until you feel resistance, could feel so damn uncomfortable and so damn wonderful at the same time! I did give myself a neck injury by pushing myself too far in Yin so caution is absolutely needed I’d say especially if like me, you’re hypermobile.

For the last 11 years or so I’ve always said my back feels like it can never be stretched enough and I would beg The Lovely Boyfriend to lean on my back with me in child’s pose, just so I could feel a stretch. Now I know which poses give me the most benefit and I know I will not tear apart (pain is different to discomfort) and I know that the ‘pain’ I feel in my body during Yin practice, is the same discomfort I feel in my life sometimes. But if I breathe into the discomfort and see it for what it is – just discomfort which will pass – I feel space. What a great metaphor for life no?

And my favourite, most beneficial Yin Yoga pose you ask? Probably Ananda Balasana or Happy Baby, because it s t r e t c h e s my lower back, calms my mind and makes me laugh each time.

Have you tried Yin Yoga and if so what benefits are you experiencing? I’m curious to deepen my practice more.

This post is dedicated to my lovely Mandy who is experiencing pain today. Love you doll.