Monday 8 April

I’m back!

What a few weeks it’s been. My laptop went to Macbook heaven two weeks ago after practically screeching to a halt with every new click, but I am now the (very happy) owner of a new Macbook Pro.

Yesterday I did a three-hour detox yoga workshop which unlike the previous times I have done it, felt like it was a mere hour and a half! Maybe it’s because TLB and I also did a yoga class on Saturday afternoon that my body was looser. I’ve now signed up for a detox yoga class once a month. I kind of dread them as Corine puts you through your paces, but I feel great afterwards!

Thanks for the messages I got saying “Where are you?” It keeps me accountable and makes me feel a quite loved. I think weeks like the past oh, six…, really test how much you walk your talk. It’s very challenging to be so busy, have low energy and not succumb to lying on the couch watching crap on tv with a take-out meal.

I like the fact I am  at least more aware  now. In fact I’m slowly starting to wear heels again, and I’m so worried about twisting my ankle I take every step very carefully. So I figured it’s a great opportunity to practice mindful walking! It’s interesting to observe just how often as you walk, eat, go about your day you’re usually just doing it, instead of doing it with some level of consciousness.

Speaking of walking your talk; my dharma name is Unconditional Love of the Heart. Sister Chan Khong (who chose my name) explained to us the name we were given reflects your basic nature and it is simultaneously the thing to which you should aspire. It helps you to practice. Today I spent a very long time talking to someone I have known my whole life and who has hurt me and let me down me in many ways. As we were talking I once again realised that things change between us and yet they don’t really, I wanted to say “let’s just leave this ‘relationship’ and not pretend it’s more than it is”. I wanted to choose to not be disappointed anymore.

Then I thought about my promise to practice Unconditional Love of the Heart and I decided I will love this person unconditionally. No hopes, no conditions, no wanting something-to-be-something-else, just unconditional love. I did have a very quick rant about it afterwards to get it off my chest – I am not a Zen nun after all – but then I let it go because I prefer to have love in my heart than resentment. I made a choice in the moment and I like that a lot.

To D and N whom I also spoke to today at length. I love you both. Unconditionally.


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