I love September. It’s the month I was born in, and since I’ve lived in the Northern Hemisphere, it signals the meteorological start of my favourite season. I love the subtle change in the light and how the tree outside my window slowly starts to change the colour of it’s leaves. I love the slight chill in the air and my mind turns to cozying the home and making it ‘winter ready’.
September always signifies a new start. For so many years it meant the start of school, then college, then university. September is the month I usually go on holiday. However, this September I turn 50 and this September I will be made redundant. Both these things I am not sad about. The first I am amused by, the second relieved.
So this year, September is a new start in new ways. One new way is the subject matter of this post and it is that I am going to practice letting go of negative self talk. Like your mind possibly, probably, when left to its own devices, my mind constantly reminds me that I am too old too fat too short, not smart enough not quick enough not brave enough not kind enough not. enough. Just Not. Enough. These thoughts have held me back. They have made me worry about what other people think rather than what I want to get out of life. As I complete another orbit around the sun I have to think about how I want the next years to be. More of the same? Or different?
This September I’m going to be aware of the usual phrases my mind tells me. Like how it is now going crazy about the fact I signed up for a running course for beginners starting Thursday. My mind is telling me ‘YOU MUST BE CRAZY!!! YOU? Running? 🤣 The last time you ran was in 2011 remember? You’ll be the fattest and the slowest there… You are going to go out in public in leggings?! People will faint when they see your thighs.’
But as well as recognising the thoughts happening, I’m trying to remember ‘I want to feel good.’ I want to lose weight and be healthy again. I feel very vulnerable but I can do this. It’ll be tough mentally but I can do this. And each time my mind starts again with the ‘I can’t, I won’t, I’m too …, I say ‘I see what you’re doing, but this time I choose me’ not the negative self-talk.
Given the cards I was dealt, the past 50 years have not been a failure 😊 but I do think about what dreams I might have achieved and experiences I might have had, if I had not paid as much attention to the negative self-talk in my head!
I for one am going to enjoy the heck out of September 2017 and try and give myself some new stories. ~CM